5 ways to feel better when the FOMO gets to you
“Bravo Kerstin! There is no shortage of FOMO advice out there but the way you constructed your thinking around it is fresh and massively beneficial.”
— Ralph Lucier
Let’s talk about FOMO – the Fear Of Missing Out. I have been hit by it quite regularly in my business journey, usually because of any of these scenarios:
Another business owner publishes a post on a topic I wrote about three years ago, and theirs goes viral.
Another educator keeps blogging about topics I am thinking about blogging about.
An entrepreneur is offering courses on subjects that I have buried inside my courses, but now they are spotlighting those topics and having a lot of success with them.
I received TWO emails about batch working and how that can help us basically become content creation machines and grow our audiences. It’s a proven method and I feel totally anxious that I should be doing this, too!
The list goes on and on. There is always someone somewhere who is doing it, seemingly better, more timely, and more successfully!
You have undoubtedly heard this before: Nothing we do is unique; all we can do is put our unique spin on it. But even knowing this isn’t always enough to alleviate FOMO, is it? Even being experienced and successful in our own right is not enough to alleviate FOMO.
So what are we to do? Here are some of the things that help me:
1. Put on your business blinders.
FOMO thrives on a lack of focus. It is so easy to get distracted by every shiny new (old) thing that others put out there, so easy to get distracted by watching others soar and thrive while we are still trying to get a foot in the door. Horses wear blinders to block out potential distractions and keep them focused and on track. We can do the same in business. We can stop listening to the noise by unfollowing the people who make us feel bad or inadequate. Or we can simply acknowledge that they exist, maybe even cheer them on if we like them, and then refocus on our own stuff. We can cease spending our energy in everyone else’s space and put it back into our own business. Whenever I go down the FOMO rabbit hole, I literally tell myself: “Blinders, Kerstin!”
2. Know yourself.
My reality is that batchworking, for instance, doesn’t work for me. My brain needs time to process and express content; I tend to go deep rather than wide. This means I can schedule time for writing, but it will most likely be just one post rather than five or ten. I usually write my best content when the inspiration hits, and I do it there and then, rather than waiting for a planned ‘batch day.’ That’s the beauty of being my own boss, most of the time I can stop what I am doing and follow the inspiration. It’s that flexibility I need and value as a business owner. There are many strategies that lead to success, but whichever we choose to follow, they need to align with who we are. Knowing yourself and how you work best will help you not feel like you’re missing out if you don’t follow the latest shiny thing.
3. Do the work.
One time, in the space of a week, three people, independently of each other, praised me highly and commented on my authority as a Squarespace expert. Rather than downplay it, I thanked them and enjoyed this moment of recognition because I realized that I deserved it. I got here by doing the work. Sometimes, this is hard work, but mostly, it’s just putting one foot in front of the other, with my blinders on, and working in the ways I know I work best. FOMO loves to keep us small, but I promise you that if you keep doing the work, you will develop a sense of worth that will blow FOMO right out of its place.
4. Stop following those who trigger your FOMO.
This might be obvious advice, but how often do we follow people because they ‘inspire’ us when, in reality, they make us feel inadequate and bad about ourselves? Some people can trigger the FOMO, and that, of course, is the intention! It’s what hustle culture is all about. But we have a choice. We can unfollow them. I remember one day when I was scrolling through a fellow entrepreneur’s Instagram; I had been following them for years, and suddenly, I realized that I often felt rushed and under pressure whenever I read one of their posts or received one of their emails. They had a beautiful brand, but an underlying sense of urgency always existed. That’s FOMO. So, I unfollowed them. And a bunch of others. And you know what? I felt so much calmer and instead started following more people who simply make me happy, who I find interesting, or who share pretty photos of England (my heart home)!
5. Be generous.
FOMO loves lack and hates generosity. When I embrace my business and life in general from a place of giving, things feel infinitely lighter and better. Whenever I feel FOMO nip at me, telling me to doubt myself and hold my offerings tightly to my chest, I try to do the opposite and think of ways to share, praise and give to others. The pandemic is a good example: FOMO hit me hard because there was this sudden urgency to leverage the increased need for online services and I saw others step right in and make a killing of it. It was only when I stepped back for a moment and understood the magnitude of what was happening that I knew what I wanted to do: not profit from other people’s hardships but offer scholarships and help in the small ways I could as an online educator. As many of you know I ended up giving away 75 scholarship places and I am still so glad I did this. It not only helped people in need, but it also brought me out of FOMO and back into myself.
I hope this was helpful. Navigating these online waters is not always easy, but I sincerely believe that if we steer close to our values and true selves, we can have a wonderful journey.